9 to 5

So recently I interviewed for a position a headhunter threw my way, and I decided going in that I wanted a certain level of compensation for the job, because it was a lot more responsibility and would also possibly be a lot more work (i.e., more than 40 hours) than my current job.

Fine, right? But here's the female angle: not only do girls have to be sneaky when they negotiate for more money, but I am also the executive in the family - meaning I make most of the decisions and deal with the outside world - everything from insurance to cat vaccinations to wedding registry stuff. That's fine for now, but here's my conundrum: a better-paying, more prestigious, higher salary job would be good in that it had more salary, but would be hard to balance with my role in this marriage. And I don't think a man would get stuck in this position - he'd have to decide to work harder or not when thinking about the job but he wouldn't be averaging 28 hours a week on housework* in addition to increased job responsibilities.

Meanwhile, my husband is clueless that I'm doing so much more than him - he thinks we have split the work equally. And it's hard to argue that point with him without resorting to charts and actual data or a hidden camera, or something. He tries to keep his end up, but he works full time, goes to nursing school half time and plays in a band. It's not as if he's sitting on the couch watching football and lifting up his feet so I can vacuum under them (my first husband actually did this), it's more that he's simply not physically present to help out and, since he's not present, he also doesn't see the work that I am putting in. Dealing with the litterboxes and taking the garbage out are only noticeable if they don't get done, because then the house smells like a garbage barge infested with a herd of feral cats.

It's a hard problem, and one I haven't really figured out yet. I'm sure something will come. In the meantime, I did take the higher-responsibility job, and we will probably use some of the money to have a cleaner come in once a week, to make my life a little easier. I really want Alice, the Bradys' housekeeper. That would be sweet. Unfortunately I don't think I could afford her.




* I am defining housework here as all the non-enjoyable stuff you have to do to keep the house going - cleaning, sure, but also cooking when you don't feel like it or folding laundry or medicating the cats or whatever.